concoursec | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Characters: Espio the Chameleon, Portgas D. Ace, Marco
Location: Various, beginning with the library.
Rating: PG-13
Open/Closed/Finished: Closed
Summary: Espio and Ace have gone from developing a solid friendship to keeping their distance from one another, all because of an itty bit of badly-received flirting. After all, would someone who is 100% taken really be receptive to that kind of thing? Nope.

At least, not in theory.

It had been a pretty busy day, all things considered. Late in the evening, Espio found himself a corner of the library to sit on the floor and read a book in, eager to take his mind to a fantasy world far, far away from the stress of reality. He had far too much on his mind lately.

To begin with, he didn't know what to think about Garden's mobilisation, didn't want to think about the inevitable conflict with Sol Invictus, even though he knew that it was his duty as a SeeD and an Instructor to defend Balamb Garden. And yet, he knew that at any minute, Sol Invictus could catch up with them... he didn't want to think about it.

Then there were more personal issues - the lingering self-hatred and doubt, much as he tried to push it out of his mind, continued to crush him down.

And family?

Well, for the first time, Ace was the problem. Ace had never been a problem before - he liked Ace! Possibly a little too much, not that he'd admit it. And yet, ever since that party, he'd made an effort to avoid him. Their conversation, even almost two weeks later, still echoed in his mind.

He sighed. He couldn't concentrate on the page in front of him.

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A shrug, "I don't know, that's why I asked. What are you waiting for? What's holding you back? Loyalty to Toby, or sticking to your decision?"

"My 'decision'?" Espio repeated. He meant... the engagement? "What I decided on doesn't mean more than Toby does, you should know that!"

But, he looked up at the ceiling for a moment, thinking. What was holding him back? Ignoring Ace, if he applied that question to everything, then, he supposed...

"If anything... I'm waiting to finish becoming someone worthwhile."

That took Marco by surprise. "Someone worthwhile for Ace?? Or Toby? Because if you mean Toby... you shouldn't be waiting. And if you mean Ace, I have no idea who you think you should be."

"I told you before, though," Espio said, "as a person, I'm not worth anything. So for anything, everything, I need to work harder." His eyes flicked to Marco, and he lowered his head. Shouldn't be waiting, huh? And - hey!

"You can not be encouraging me to hook up with Ace."

Marco grabbed Espio and held him in a tight feathery hug.

"Stop that, yoi. I told you, you're worth everything," Marco let out a small sigh. He was never going to understand Espio's sentiment on it, but that didn't mean he couldn't try. "You should be with Ace. And I don't care what you think, you should do it for Toby. Not because you don't deserve him, but because you should never put your life on hold for someone else. That's a lot of pressure on them, and it won't make them happy. Toby needs to be the inexperienced one of you two, and that means you need to figure yourself and the universe out more first. And you should do it while being happy, yoi. Of if not happy, as happy as you can get."

Marco buried his face into Espio's scales, "And if anything, what you're feeling now isn't something Toby can help you understand or work through. But Ace can."

Espio just curled up a little. Marco made it sound so easy - to abandon his promise.

...no... not abandon, postpone.

And the worst part was that his points were reasonable enough that Espio couldn't find arguments quickly enough. It made sense to say that he shouldn't put his life on hold to wait for someone. It made sense to say that he needed more experience with everything so that he could be the support Toby needed. And it was absolutely true that he was in a position Tobias couldn't help him with. In fact, Espio hated to admit it, it was something he would have to hide from Toby, putting strain on them both.

But what Espio doubted was that taking that action would help anything.

"I 'should' be with Ace? Why? What makes you think Ace will be any help?" he tried, weakly.

"Because better than anyone, Ace understands the things you're talking about. Toby and I are a lot alike. And there's a lot we will never get, yoi. I can't cheer Ace up, and I can't understand the way he thinks. Things like being hated by most of the world. I don't really care so long as I have my family, but Ace does. And getting to see how he handles it will help you with Toby. And yourself. His grandfather is a marine hero. I told you about how he punched me out of the sky. And yet he stayed by Ace's side too. Ace is always going to feel conflicted, yoi. He has to choose between one world or another and that's never going to be fair, eh."

Marco's expression was quiet and sympathetic, like a bird trying to understand a chameleon, which was pretty much what was going on. "And he understands losing one's world."

Espio was quiet. The information wasn't new, exactly... and it wasn't as though he'd not related it to his own circumstances - Ace himself had done so, in his various efforts to get Espio to open up some. He could understand very well what Marco was getting at. Ace could understand him in a way Marco or Tobias simply could not.

Even so...

"And that means... I should let him get his way because...?" Espio asked, tilting his head slightly. "We're friends, already, but..."

"Because you're more obviously attracted to him than a blue jay singing his lungs out," Marco rolled his eyes.

Sorry Espio, Marco probably wasn't the one to help enable denial on this.

"Eh? Obvious?" Espio stared at Marco like a deer caught in the headlights. Was it really that obvious?

"Very," Marco arched an eyebrow, still deadpan.

"I know he's attractive, but that's just plain damn obvious," Espio attempted to defend, though he was starting to get a bit restless where he was. "It doesn't mean I have to be attracted! He's just... nice to look at, that's all! And it doesn't mean I want anything, either!"

The arched eyebrow rose all the higher before Marco stifled it with his usual deadpan composure. "No? So what do you want?"

"I..."

Espio frowned, thinking. He wanted... he wanted...

"I dunno..." he answered. "I suppose maybe I want to relax and feel like I actually belong somewhere. Right now, Ace is..." he stopped, briefly, weighing up in his mind whether he wanted to finish that sentence. "Ace is the only person who really helps with that, somehow. Even when he pulls shit like this."

Marco spread his hands with a shrug and gave Espio a grin.

"Then what are you waiting for, eh?"

"You really are trying to get me to go with it, aren't you?" Espio sighed. "Even though it could hurt Toby? And Grell will try to murder me?"

Marco thought it over and finally nodded, "Aye."

He didn't want Toby to get hurt, or Grell to overprotectively kill Espio in a fit of rage, but putting Espio on ice wouldn't help him grow up or be better for Toby either. "I'll talk to either of them if they have a problem. Toby wouldn't want you to stop living, Espio." Marco rose to his feet, pretty much planning to leave him with that thought.

He supposed so... again, Espio sighed, and as Marco got to his feet he just stared blankly ahead. Marco made it sound so sensible, and so easy, but...

"I don't know."

And besides, Espio was happy with the friendship he had. The thought of getting closer...

...well, actually, the thought was a warming one, that instantly filled him with a combination of nerves and excitement. Realising that his scales had brightened again, Espio refused to look up at Marco as he made to leave.

Marco gently ruffled Espio's head. "Think about it. And don't put yourself on ice for some convoluted principle. Or at least..." Marco uncharacteristically scrunched his face up in thought, "I trust you to figure it out, eh."

Grell had been from the door across the hall, since it was their own room after all. What had her interest wasn't the fact that Espio and Ace seemed to have feelings for each other, but it was what Marco had said. Not waiting for Toby to return in the chances that he wouldn't. Marco would no doubt tell the same to her if he had ever disappeared, but she doubted she could follow such advice. As she listened, her cats came to rub against her ankle, but she didn't notice that much.

Once their conversation ends, Grell walked over to the window, seeing nothing but blue as the Garden was still in motion. She was very upset by what he said.

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