Her dilemma, directly asked after here: the idea of going back home. Ever since she'd returned from her prematurely cut-off mission guarding Dr Gold, she'd just... been trying to establish some sort of routine back into her life, going through the motions- as if her daily schedule was little more than yet another military drill, requiring practice and the need to be executed with automatic precision.
As a Cocoon resident and PSICOM officer, she'd been trained from birth in the art of simply not asking questions about certain things; above all others was the ultimate truth in that living within Cocoon saved its people from a life of hell on Pulse below. You just weren't supposed to wonder the 'whys' regarding that, and most never did- she didn't, before her everything had been flipped on its head... and before being in this place ever-so-slowly began to wear down her resolve for stubbornly refusing to do anything but what was supported by the way she'd been forced to think.
But there's no denying now that she can't pretend everything is as clear-cut as the government and culture of Cocoon apparently wanted it to be. She could tell herself that things were obviously different for these people from some strange alternate version of her world, but that still didn't fix the problems that had always been lingering right out of line of sight. The primarch secretly being a l'Cie instead of human. The existence of the Pulse fal'Cie hidden away near Bodhum in the first place....
Did she truly want to go back to her world, beyond the ache of homesickness? In truth, she honestly wasn't sure - she hated the unknown and right now the problem of Cocoon's safety being threatened was one big dark question mark. Yet, all the same and in the end...
"It will happen sooner or later," she said, softly, and stepped back from the rail, her hands slipping off to hang by her sides. "I'd rather it be under my own power than unexpected."
Even if she didn't want to go back, her resolve to do something hadn't wavered. Right before she had left Garden, she'd said the same to Raines- she wanted to save Cocoon, no matter what it took.
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Her dilemma, directly asked after here: the idea of going back home. Ever since she'd returned from her prematurely cut-off mission guarding Dr Gold, she'd just... been trying to establish some sort of routine back into her life, going through the motions- as if her daily schedule was little more than yet another military drill, requiring practice and the need to be executed with automatic precision.
As a Cocoon resident and PSICOM officer, she'd been trained from birth in the art of simply not asking questions about certain things; above all others was the ultimate truth in that living within Cocoon saved its people from a life of hell on Pulse below. You just weren't supposed to wonder the 'whys' regarding that, and most never did- she didn't, before her everything had been flipped on its head... and before being in this place ever-so-slowly began to wear down her resolve for stubbornly refusing to do anything but what was supported by the way she'd been forced to think.
But there's no denying now that she can't pretend everything is as clear-cut as the government and culture of Cocoon apparently wanted it to be. She could tell herself that things were obviously different for these people from some strange alternate version of her world, but that still didn't fix the problems that had always been lingering right out of line of sight. The primarch secretly being a l'Cie instead of human. The existence of the Pulse fal'Cie hidden away near Bodhum in the first place....
Did she truly want to go back to her world, beyond the ache of homesickness? In truth, she honestly wasn't sure - she hated the unknown and right now the problem of Cocoon's safety being threatened was one big dark question mark. Yet, all the same and in the end...
"It will happen sooner or later," she said, softly, and stepped back from the rail, her hands slipping off to hang by her sides. "I'd rather it be under my own power than unexpected."
Even if she didn't want to go back, her resolve to do something hadn't wavered. Right before she had left Garden, she'd said the same to Raines- she wanted to save Cocoon, no matter what it took.