road less traveled

[subjected]

Characters: Claire Farron (subjected) and Cid Raines (fallacies)
Location: Training center's secret area
When: Saturday night
Open/Closed/Finished: Closed
Summary: Claire and Cid are in the secret area and they do some talking, without trying to kill each other. Hopefully.

While the rest of Garden might have been busy partaking in a break from the weekly cycle of classes there, Claire's interest in both the festival of Holi and its finalizing 'paintball tournament' was nonexistent-- to the point where she found the idea of the latter rather repellent, actually. She couldn't help but wonder why anyone would want to do such a thing, never mind under authorization of the people in charge. Considering it was set up in such a way to be annoyingly devoid of opt-in/opt-out capabilities... did they want people having to spend days locked up in their rooms just to avoid it?

To make things worse, the late night air was beautifully crisp, sky flawless and devoid of clouds, speckled with stars made even brighter by the absence of the moon. It seemed a crime to stay inside when the conditions were so nice, when that put with the glowing ring of Garden's center structure was so reminiscent of another place and another time...

Perhaps the idea was to force people to lighten up enough to participate... but if so? Actually, the joke was on them- Claire was outside, alone like always as she leaned against the rail of the training center's secret balcony. However, for once it had little to do with most knowing she generally wanted the place to herself... and everything to do with the shimmering, not quite invisible barrier starting right at the area's entrance.

... She really didn't want to deal with cadets at the moment, and knowing her reputation, she felt totally justified in taking magical measures to keep those with any funny ideas away. Ruining her clothes because she was once too strict with some random student wasn't currently on her list of things to do and probably never would be.

Comments

[fallacies]

When she offered no verbal response, he returned once more to focus his attention on his lists and plans. Cid could still feel her hard gaze upon him, as if trying to bore a hole through him, but he remained resolutely turned away, pretending as if he didn't notice. The stance of his body was relaxed for the most part, fingers drumming lightly against the rail.

As he cycled through his thoughts, though, his hand stilled.

It had been the other day that he'd first noticed it: Vanille's name was no longer on the roster. Cid had not, admittedly, ever gotten to be all that close to the girl, but as an individual who'd been from his own world, he had dug a little deeper, curious as to what happened. To assume that she'd been taken away by time compression would have been the logical answer, and his investigations proved him correct.

Cid wondered: did Claire know? For that matter, did she care? The woman had changed in the past few months in ways that he didn't really think too much upon; her mind was a mystery to him in how it worked. When they had first met, he would have thought her delighted at the loss of another Pulse l'Cie. Now? Well. Would asking about that provoke her? He mulled over it for a few minutes more before glancing at her.

"Our numbers here continue to dwindle," he finally said, his tone and expression neutral. Cid turned away briefly before settling his gaze upon Claire once more. "Do you miss it? Our home."

--Or rather, her home.

[subjected]

... They'd been dwindling alright. By Claire's count, there were only three left if she happened to include herself- a drastically smaller number than during the short time almost all of the Pulse l'Cie had been present at once, plus herself and-- this other Sanctum l'Cie, who even now remained almost absolutely enigmatic to her.

Immediately, her lips pursed together, just short of voicing the 'what?' that was her instant reaction to such a comment and question. It seemed a strange observation to her, and she couldn't be certain exactly which disappearances he might have been referring to; in truth, she had no idea how much the others from Cocoon and Gran Pulse talked to one another. She'd been careful in the beginning to take note of any conversations she witnessed, but lately... no, if Raines and Villiers were on friendly terms, she didn't have current proof.

There was a soft huff of breath from the woman, wary and attempting to cover for the slight surprise she felt at being addressed again at all. She'd expected to have to suck it up and leave on her own, once she finally fought back the negativity that was sure to make her retreat look overly fractious, tamed the feeling that going back to her stuffy room right now and trying to sleep was defeatist and repellent to the point of discomfort.

"Why do you think I'm here?" she replied after a moment, deliberately enunciated, her brows coming together to echo the soft frown pulling at her lips. However... actually, the words weren't quite as abrasive as it might have seemed at first. Considering she'd just allowed past the implication that she was attracted to this particular place because it - vaguely - resembled the city of Eden at night...

She'd have considered it rather generous.

[fallacies]

"I have my assumptions, but I won't do you the dishonor of claiming to know you well," he answered quietly. His gaze remained on her for a moment longer before sliding away. Cid allowed a moment of silence to hang between them before speaking once more, his voice just as level and calm as it was before. "Would it be wrong of me to think that you still seek a way home?"

To what end, Cid had no idea. Of course, she could try and finish the job she'd been assigned, or maybe Claire would come to understand her folly and do something about it. Some of their earlier conversations suggested that that option was no longer such a lost cause. Despite how much Rosch's words may have shake her, was it enough for her to act upon it though? That, he had no way to tell.

As for himself, he was resigned to the fact that remaining anywhere but "home" was a better option. True, others might see him as abandoning his duties, his fate, and his rightful place, but Cid had been given a second chance--one he was not too keen on letting slip away. His story in Cocoon was done; there was nothing left for him in that land.

No, he'd rewrite his story in his adopted home--in the here and now.

[subjected]

There was silence, and Claire's jaw clenched.

Her dilemma, directly asked after here: the idea of going back home. Ever since she'd returned from her prematurely cut-off mission guarding Dr Gold, she'd just... been trying to establish some sort of routine back into her life, going through the motions- as if her daily schedule was little more than yet another military drill, requiring practice and the need to be executed with automatic precision.

As a Cocoon resident and PSICOM officer, she'd been trained from birth in the art of simply not asking questions about certain things; above all others was the ultimate truth in that living within Cocoon saved its people from a life of hell on Pulse below. You just weren't supposed to wonder the 'whys' regarding that, and most never did- she didn't, before her everything had been flipped on its head... and before being in this place ever-so-slowly began to wear down her resolve for stubbornly refusing to do anything but what was supported by the way she'd been forced to think.

But there's no denying now that she can't pretend everything is as clear-cut as the government and culture of Cocoon apparently wanted it to be. She could tell herself that things were obviously different for these people from some strange alternate version of her world, but that still didn't fix the problems that had always been lingering right out of line of sight. The primarch secretly being a l'Cie instead of human. The existence of the Pulse fal'Cie hidden away near Bodhum in the first place....

Did she truly want to go back to her world, beyond the ache of homesickness? In truth, she honestly wasn't sure - she hated the unknown and right now the problem of Cocoon's safety being threatened was one big dark question mark. Yet, all the same and in the end...

"It will happen sooner or later," she said, softly, and stepped back from the rail, her hands slipping off to hang by her sides. "I'd rather it be under my own power than unexpected."

Even if she didn't want to go back, her resolve to do something hadn't wavered. Right before she had left Garden, she'd said the same to Raines- she wanted to save Cocoon, no matter what it took.

[fallacies]

"And if it never does?" he murmured, as if he wasn't entirely sure if it was for himself to hear or her. Cid sighed quietly and briefly closed his eyes.

When he first arrived here, he hadn't been overly happy about being dumped into a foreign land. It'd taken a great deal of will power to work up the ability to just stay put and to await his end. Barthandelus wouldn't have wanted his pawn to take his own life like that, not when he still had use and purpose, but Cid had been ready. He was at peace with himself and his actions--or at the very least, at peace enough to welcome the cold embrace of death. Regret, sadly, was something that he could never quite shake.

But as time wore on, he had started to appreciate the new life that he found here. It'd taken time, but Cid stopped living like a dead man dying. He took on new duties, made new friends, and simply lived again, and while there was always the lingering worry of whether or not he'd ever get sent back, he accepted each day as a blessing.

Cid wondered then how Claire spent her life here. Did she dwell constantly on Cocoon, or were her thoughts more preoccupied with this world? The lieutenant struck him as the former, but again, who was he to assume such things? His lips twisted slightly in a bitter smile before he finally pushed himself away from the railing.

It was quiet and... mostly peaceful here, save for the tension that still hung between them. (Would it ever go away, he wondered.) All the same, Cid was quite sure that he was overstaying his welcome by this point, and if he wasn't, then the moment would come soon enough. To mimic her words: his departure would happen sooner or later, but... He'd rather it be under his own power than unexpected.

[subjected]

If it never came? Claire wasn't sure what she'd do; for now, what Raines suspected was very close to the truth. Focusing on things that weren't about her previous goals, on l'Cie and broken familial or professional relationships, betrayal and failure and the consequences of both... those weren't things that came easily to her-- even if she'd wanted to.

The fact that she'd nearly tricked herself into it and yet had been interrupted and forced to draw her attention back to those painful thoughts... didn't sit well with her. She was strong, yes, but there's a point for everyone where they begin to cave under the pressure. Hers had taken place a long time ago, and ever since then had been something she hadn't been allowed to feel much relief from. Even the fact that she wouldn't have to live with her heartbreak over her lost sister for long before she either finished her Focus or failed in trying had been stolen from her, after all.

If only anyone else knew how hard it had been for her to not just keep going at all, but to settle and take up another job and continue to function looking like a relatively normal person... but considering her withdrawn demeanor and unwillingness to point a finger at her weaknesses, that probably wasn't going to happen any time soon.

She didn't reply to the question. Instead, her arms folded as her head dipped lower, and while she turned it just enough to watch as he stepped away, she simply opted to keep her pain to herself aside from her distinctly uncomfortable body language and expression.

[fallacies]

He turned slowly, back now facing the railing, and briefly, his gaze settled on Claire. Her body language suggested that his earlier guess had been correct--discomfort written into every line of her posture and facial expression. Cid opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something, but the moment passed; he looked away.

Despite their past quarrels, despite his general dislike of her now, he understood that of anyone here, it was him who could likely relate to her the most. The idea of being able to console her, however, seemed more than alien to him, and there was a part of him that felt that any attempts to do so would only backfire. Yes, Claire no longer struck him as quite as openly vitriolic, but the past memories lingered.

Silently, he again approached the barrier, and then turned slightly so as to catch the lieutenant in his sights again. "If you wouldn't mind," he said quietly. "I'll be leaving you now. My apologies for disturbing you."