concoursec | (no subject)

"I can and I do deny that!" Marco growled and clenched his fist holding Ace from falling off even tighter over the beads.

"Don't you ever, EVER call yourself worthless again!" Marco trembled, a mixture of rage and fear. With Ace's death the only consolation he thought he had was that Ace claimed his dream wasn't to be the King, but to have a family who cared about him. But that after all that he still found himself worthless?

Blue eyes flashed coldly with rage and Marco sent out a quiet haki-infused ping to alert Thatch and Namur to come stop him from hurting Ace more. "Why did you go fight Teach if you only regret it? Didn't you promise to live without regret? Should all of us regret not capturing you and forcing you to come back? Do not kid yourself little brat. You're fifty years too young to stop all of us. Had we been serious enough we could have forced you to come back. Are you saying now that we should have? Because if you do I will throw you off the roof for being an impostor of my brother."

Yeah..... he really needed to calm down and quickly. Or get Grell to hold him back. Someone.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and regained some of his infamous composure, though the fury was still coursing through him. He was pretty sure it wasn't an impostor, after all. Only Ace could be this blindingly stupid.

Marco opened his eyes with a glare and growled, "I do not want your apologies, idiot. I do not want you to ever again disrespect the name of my family and brothers by thinking you alone could change our decisions and actions, or that you are somehow strong enough to break us."

Letting go of the beads, Marco pointed to his chest where the tattoo had been modified to a full circle. "Don't you get it? This means unbroken. Not by you, not by Teach, not by the whole damn world or the entire space-time continuum fucking up. No one can destroy my family. No one." He didn't leave Ace free for long though, and the hand went right back to grabbing the beads, his fist pushing up Ace's chin slightly to force him to look in Marco's eyes, blazing with fury as they were. "Why do you think we came to get you? To punish you? Do you really think we would ever choose to risk our lives, risk each other, risk everything for something that stupid?"

Another deep breath and Marco let go for real this time, fuming silently. "We didn't let you go alone because you were too cocky and so you fooled us. You are Ace. And apparently we've always known you better than you've known yourself." Marco flicked the freckled forehead. "Think about that for a bit before you say something even more stupid, eh."

He was still tempted to kick Ace off of the roof, but instead he simply scowled a little and thought furiously. "For the record dumbass, Teach wasn't able to kill Pops because of you. He was able to know the time and place because of the marines, but Pops was already dying. Pops has been dying for awhile. That's why I didn't go hunt the bastard down myself. Because I was scared of leaving Pops alone. Because if Pops died while I was gone I'd never have forgiven myself. So shut up about blaming yourself. Fuck, I'm so sick of everyone blaming themselves for shit out of control. Do you think you make the sun rise too?" Marco snorted irritably and laid on his back on the roof to just breathe.

Ace swallowed thickly. Wow. That was all he could really think about. Marco sure was scary when he was like this. He had taken his beating, physical and verbal and now well...now he actually did feel better. Marco and Thatch knew he had issues with thinking people really didn't love him. Or thinking he didn't deserve that love. Truth was, the simple fact all of those people came to save him made him realize that perhaps he did matter enough. Still it didn't get rid of the guilt he felt. Only time could heal that.

He also didn't regret his decisions. He hated the outcomes, but he knew for a fact if given another choice he still would have done everything exactly the same. Ace was quiet for a very long time. Finally, he cleared his throat and whispered with a small smile on his face.

"You punch like a little girl." It seemed to be the only thing he could think of to say to diffuse the tension and let Marco know that he was going to be alright.

"Would you like a harder one, little masochist?" Marco shot him a glare, fully willing to fulfill that offered promise. He really hoped Thatch or Namur got here soon, or that at least one of them was even awake to come. Between Ace's mouth and Marco's loss of patience, this could get bad quickly.

It had taken him a while to find them and they were on a roof. Not that it should surprise him. And it didn't so much. The sudden jab of haki had made him anxious. He wasn't used to those kinds of things anymore but had reacted to it without thinking, and since he was moving, didn't see a reason to stop. But from the looks of things it seemed fine. The storm was passing, at least for Ace who was teasing Marco trying to tell him that things were better now--but Marco's voice was still steely and serious since he hadn't yet gotten off his thundercloud.

"There's my two pretty birds." Thatch plopped himself between them, wrapped an arm around each of their necks and hugged them close. "Thought you could have all the fun without me, eh?" and he chirped to Marco Steady on.

Thatch? No!...not yet! He wasn't ready for this yet. That's why he went to Marco. He laughed, he tried not to react negatively. He didn't want to cry anymore! Still...as Thatch hugged him he felt a few tears slide free. He didn't say anything. To open his mouth now would invite stupid Ace back out and he had experienced enough of a beat down already.

No. Instead of doing anything Ace just leaned into Thatch, burying his face in his neck and breathing in his comforting scent as he tried to calm down again.

"Can't I just kick him off the roof? He's fire, he'll survive!" Marco whistled back in phoenix, almost deadpan.

Truth told though he was intensely relieved to see Thatch come to the rescue. Ace was still pissing him off somehow. The laugh felt too forced, as though for Thatch and Marco's benefit and Marco was too tempted to remind the kid yet again that they'd seen and lived through his darker moods and hadn't fallen apart from it, so they could sure as hell survive it now.

Still... just as always, maybe the smiles weren't for his benefit and were so that they could start to become real. Maybe.

Marco went to affectionately pushed Ace's hat brim down. Even if Ace isn't wearing a hat. Fight him. "What can I say, eh? I was seduced by the freckles." That was extremely deadpan, of course.

Edited 2013-08-23 04:42 (UTC)

He swore that somehow Marco would will the hat into existence just by his very stubbornness. Ace was still upset. Of course he was. Marco was still a first mate, expecting everyone to understand, to adjust, for the love of their captain. For the most part they had, but he wasn't Ace's captain and Thatch wasn't sure if he would ever be.

"Shut up," he told Marco. For the roof comment, but he'd know what Thatch meant and if not he was more of an idiot than usual. He curled his fingers through Ace's hair and let him be for a while before dragging his arm roughly around Marco's neck and tugging him closer, nipping the top of his head and then rubbing his cheek against it.

"We'll get there, aye? It'll take time for everyone to adjust." So calm down you feathery bastard and let things go for once. "But we'll find our way even here." He tweaked Marco's ear.

"Right, Captain?"

"Captain?" Ace asked. He didn't know Marco had been made captain, and while he had noticed the change in tattoos he hadn't asked about it. He figured they would tell him when they were ready. He was pretty sure Namur would have told him himself if he hadn't fallen asleep on him.

Still a little misty eyed but actually feeling a bit better Ace pulled himself out of Thatch's embrace, well as much as Thatch let him pull out, and peaked around at Marco. He knew Thatch had no idea what was going on but he didn't apologize to Thatch for fear of angering Marco further. Sometimes annoying the pigeon was all well and good...but for Marco to hit him till he bruised, well he didn't want to push his luck. So instead he just asked about why Thatch called Marco captain.

"Since when is Marco our Captain. I thought you said I was going to be captain...not that I want to be, mind you."

Marco fidgeted in exasperation at the reminders to calm down, but they worked and he let his rage slowly fade.

"Things changed."

What else was he supposed to say to that? Ace died so how was he going to be captain? Namur needed him to be captain, just like he was back in their time? Grell and Espio did too, in order to bridge the difference of generations. And because they were his nakama. Hadn't Grell already said these things? He was tired of it all. And tired in general.

Thatch winced a little at Ace's words. It felt a little like a betrayal in a sense. He didn't want to be captain, he said... But they'd all been behind him before, even to push him up to Pirate King and now--everything was changed. Because of one goddamn knife wound. Things changed. As if that made a difference. As if that should.

But it had. And there was nothing he could think of to do about it.Ace was stuck here, too. Without a dream. Without-- He swallowed everything back, settling himself before he punched one of them off the roof. At Ace for being so stupid for going after Marshall like that. For Marco to be so stupid to let him. For himself to have let his guard down so damn easily.

"Sorry, Sparks." He let them go, running a hand through his hair and then pulling it back irritably. He had to say something. Think of something. But he could only shake his head. He should be the strong one here but he'd be damned if he could even think of what to say.

Ace didn't want to be captain because he didn't think he deserved that honor after everything that happened. Truth was he had heard a little about what was going on the day he arrived but due to all the other things happening, he had let it slip. He wasn't 100% sure what was going on at all. He knew the changed symbol meant something, but not what. He also knew Marco had mentioned something about being Captain, and how he would let Ace take over.

Ace just sighed. This was all too damn much to deal with. Though it was kind of hard for a dead man walking to be Captain. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He was lost and he needed someone to show him a way out because he couldn't find it. Ace was wandering lost in his own emotions and thoughts unable to escape the guilt of things Marco accused were out of his control. They probably were out of his control. But worst still, in the inability to cope with this shock quickly, he had pissed Marco off to the point of violence and he could still fell the tension and anger wafting from the blond, even with Thatch in the middle.

It was hard. So hard. Probably one of the hardest things he had ever dealt with. He ran a hand through his own hair and hung his head. Why had it all happened this way? Why had he let his anger get the better of him? Because that's who he is. Because he doesn't let anyone say anything hurtful or negative about anyone he cares about. So he did what Ace did. He stood by his father and his family and he took on an Admiral and lost defending the one thing in the world that meant more to him then Whitebeard and his other brothers.

Luffy was alone now. No. No he wasn't. Luffy had an amazing crew. He had met them himself. Charged them formally with taking care of his bumbling baby brother. Luffy would be fine. He was strong enough to overcome this. Strong enough to not want revenge.

"Hey, Thatch. I know I screwed up against Teach. But I promise when I get home..I'll haunt his ass for the rest of his miserable and hopefully short life."

He didn't get it. He just didn't get it.

The rage coursed through Marco all over again. He screwed up against Teach so he was going to do the exact same thing all over again? His only screw up was in thinking that they felt he was responsible for Teach. For thinking he was responsible for Teach. For going at it alone instead of staying with his nakama where they needed him.

But it was good, wasn't it? Ace clearly had no regrets.

Marco wrenched himself away from both of them with a growl, his anger still wafting off him in waves.

He didn't fucking get it. He had no fucking clue what it was like to have to live on and face Teach. To not be allowed to seek vengeance for the sake of dead men like him. To watch as Marshall D. Teach took all his knowledge of Pops' islands, of the Whitebeard pirates, of everything Marco had worked decades for alongside Teach, alongside his father, building the crew, the reputation, the protection of the very islands he had to lose, all to watch that crumble as he clung desperately on?

Fuck you Ace. He wanted to say it, but he couldn't even do that much. Couldn't even throw his bitterness in his little brother's face.

To die a hero, to have everyone miss him as they lived on, to die saving them, just like his father, just like Ace.

Marco was incredibly jealous. And he blamed, and hated Ace for it.

Ace got to die a hero, seek his vengeance and do whatever he wanted, so he was the true pirate. Marco couldn't take those kinds of risks, wouldn't let himself risk everything, his nakama were his treasure and he wanted to protect them. He admired Ace's reckless bravery, but he would never be able to match it. And he was insanely jealous of that.

It was one thing to say he'd haunt Teach, it was quite another to have to live the reality of the situation.

"I'm going to get a drink," Marco coldly announced. His face was deadpan, but his tone was still too angry.

There were probably a million reasons why Marco was pissed and Thatch couldn't deal with any of them. One thing at a time and the one thing right now was holding himself back from shaking Ace for missing the point entirely. He couldn't help it. He was Ace. And getting mad at him would only drive the wedge in further.

"Look, forget Marshall. Fuck Marshall. He's not even here and he's still tearing us apart." And he sent a glare between Marco's shoulder blades, knowing he could feel it. "Are we really that weak that we're so shaken up by that asshole?" Okay he sounded angrier than he meant-- so he reigned himself in and got to what was important.

He took Ace's chin so the kid would meet his eyes.

"Listen, it wasn't your fault. What he did. That you went after him. Even that you--that you died, okay? It happened. Maybe Marco will rip him apart a few years from now. Maybe he'll die a happy man in bed. I don't give a good goddamn. All I care about is the nakama I have right now. I'm alive. You're alive. And the sparkly chicken better sit his ass right the fuck back down and act like the captain we need."

Ace heaved a very deep and long sigh. They didn't get what he was needing, but that was fine. He supposed they really weren't the right people for that anyway. Marco didn't care what was done as long as the person doing it believed wholly in what they were doing. He hated wishy-washyness. And Thatch well, he probably understood a bit, but he was dealing with his own issues at the moment.

"Thanks. Both of you." He said doing his absolute best to sound normal again. Change the subject, advert the problem and do something else. He was trying to do that anyway. "Come on Thatch...let's go. Marco's right. We should get some drinks; maybe even pick up some girls." Mask firmly in place...he was ready to fake being happy as long as he needed too.

"You knock that shit off right now, Ace." Thatch said in a low growl, not letting him go. "What's with that grin? Are you trying to run away from this? No way in hell am I letting you. You keep backing away the more I'll hound you til we figure out how this damn thing is supposed to work."

Thatch, at least, was calming Marco down. Like he always knew what to say, when to say it, how to say it. Marco let out a breath, and went to his pocket for a cigarette. Figures. He'd stopped smoking years ago, with Grell around to soothe his nerves, he hadn't often wanted one. So he tossed Thatch a glance. "Got a smoke?"

And Ace...

Well, Ace just fired up his temper all over again. Blue eyes flashed dangerously as he considered punching Ace, kicking him, kissing him, SOMETHING to get through that thick D skull. "Freckles," a warning growl, but he used the nickname to remind his little brother that it didn't matter how angry he got, they were still tight. "Don't." He was supposed to be trusted to handle Ace's darkside, but maybe Marco couldn't. If he got violent and temperamental over the idiot's guilt, then how could Ace trust Marco enough to expose it.

Ace was even more of an idiot if he thought he could hide it, however.

"Ace... Look." He went into Thatch's pockets, took out a cigar and lit up desperately. "What Thatch said, is what I've been trying to say. You keep beating yourself up for shit that was never your fault. You're doing it now! And you have no idea what that means for the rest of us, eh? If you are even the slightest bit responsible? Then we are ten times more responsible." He pauses to chomp on the cigar and breathe. The words are tumbling out, but that doesn't mean that they're right, or they're good, or that they'll help in the least. "I can't deal with that kind of pressure."

He didn't want to live through losing everyone. His jealousy spikes even more and Marco sits down on the roof and spreads on staring up at the clouds and focusing on the smoke. "Talk to him Thatch. I can't." He wanted to be an assassin, he wanted to get revenge, to not have to fight to protect everyone and everything and fail time and time again. Because it was an impossible goal. He wanted to stop time. And this was the only place where that worked.

The smile was gone almost as soon as he put it on his face. He jerked away from Thatch and glared at Marco once the other finished speaking. "What the hell do you want from me then? I can't be guilty, I can't be apologetic, I can't be sad, I can't be happy! What they hell am I supposed to be?! I'm hurting! It hurts so much I can hardly breathe and all I wanna do is scream forever until I can't anymore." Ace's hand went to his chest, over his heart. "But you're both so angry and I hate that even more! I don't know what to do...I don't know what to say! Tell me, please! What do you need from me to make you happy again?"

"Hurt. Be yourself. Go through it and stop trying to please us. We don't care about us as much as we care about you, dumbass. Scream if you want to, fight with Marco. Burn as dark as you want and trust us to take care of you."

He kept Ace's eyes as he spoke.

"It's not going to be easy. Maybe we'll get mad or get hurt and fight and bitch, but that's part of life, too. That's part of healing. People have to be who they are. They have to hurt how they hurt and rage how they rage and still weather the storm together.

So go through it, Freckles." He reached out and tweaked a strand of hair. "Run yourself raw if you have to. We'll be here for you, and on the other side."

"Aye," Marco frowned and puffed up on the cigar. "Do you think we don't hurt with you? That it doesn't hurt to see your nakama in pain? How would you feel if it was Luffy?" A sigh and Marco traced the clouds. "If you're happy, be happy, but don't you dare fake it for our sake. We're not stupid and it won't make us happy. You're trying to sacrifice yourself so much that you never stop to think if we want that. Would you appreciate it if Straw Hat did that for you? You yelled at him for coming to rescue you and called us your nakama. What do you think that means? What will it take for us to to convince you that you don't have to earn our love or respect? If you trust us, you don't have to earn your place with us. We're all in this together, stupid. If you hurt, we hurt. That doesn't mean you have to hide it. It means you have to get through it." Another sigh. Shit he hated this.

"No, it means, trust us to get through it with you and stop being a coward about it, eh?" Too blunt. He needed to pull back. Argh.

"You want to know your one mistake? It wasn't leaving, it wasn't losing to Teach, it was thinking you weren't worth all that. You don't get to decide that. Thatch doesn't get to decide that he's not worth getting revenge for. Neither of you get to decide that. Got it? Your mistake in apologizing," the reason Marco go so furious that he got violent, the reason he completely lost all his cool, "Is is in suggesting you had the right to decide our actions, our emotions, our decisions. Rather than respect what that meant, and where it came from. We respected you enough to make your own decisions, Ace. We always have, and we still do. Don't ever try to decide that I made the wrong choice. Ever. You think you're not worth it? Well, that's because you're a fucking idiot. I know better. So just trust me to know that, stupid."

Marco twirled the cigar in his hand and passed it back to Thatch. Too heavy for him, he preferred the lighter cigarettes. "If you can't trust yourself, trust me. That was Squardo's mistake too. Thinking what he did was so unforgivable -- tch."

Ace sighed and flopped back down beside Thatch. "I don't know what they hell to do." He said running his hands through his hair. He moved, crawling over Thatch and sliding in between them, wrapping an arm around both of theirs and holding on tightly. "Don't leave me alone. Please." He didn't want to be alone anymore. Impel Down and the war...and then finding out what had happened, he didn't know what to do but he was afraid of being alone.

"Never." He put the cigar in his mouth and in a few movements, hauled Ace and Marco both into his lap, wrapping his arms around them and resting his chin between them. If they were a little cramped, they could deal with it.

"We're a family full of fucked up bastards but we're still a family." And if Namur was here, he would cuddle him, too, damnit. Or Grell or Toby or hell, even Espio despite how much the chameleon would complian. Maybe he'd just let Marco hold on to him.

Marco shot the other blond an annoyed look and switched into phoenix so they could cuddle him and he wouldn't be obligated to say anything stupid. Ha had no idea if anything he said sunk in or not. Maybe this was Ace's way of dealing with it. Who knows.

Ace settled further into Thatch's lap, cuddling him. He pulled the bird into his own lap and stroked him lightly as he smiled down at him. It had been entirely too long since he had held Marco like this and he was enjoying it. He relaxed, resting his head on Thatch's shoulder, pressing his lips against his neck in a small kiss as he finally managed to start settling down.

Marco could just go ahead and be annoyed. Thatch didn't know what else to do. He was tired from all this bullshit and feeling worn out in general. All he wanted was his family together. For the people he loved most to stop hurting and blaming themselves for shit that, in this place, didn't matter a good goddamn.

He smiles a little at Ace's kiss and holds them both tighter, putting out his cigar so he can briefly kiss Ace's hair.

"I love you guys so much, you know that right?" he said, his voice gravelly from straining against the emotion that was trying to sweep over him. "Without my family, I would be nothing."

Them, Namur, Grell, even Espio and Toby. If it weren't for them. Living for them. Trying for them and trying (and mostly failing) to give them the best life he could.

"Aye, I know," Marco whistled back, calming down almost instantly and snuggling Thatch and Ace cheerfully. They were both idiots, but they were his idiots and he loved them too. "I love you both too. Tell Ace. Even though I got mad at him."