Because Kidnapping is Pirate Speak for "Hello"

[fierybluebird]

Characters: Marco & Espio
Location: ON Pooh's A GRAND ADVENTURE
Rating: PG-13
Open/Closed/Finished: Closed!
Summary: Marco kidnaps Espio for Marco's birthday. What? It's a legit reason.



Marco didn't announce his plans, of course, he never did. And if his brothers remembered him well enough, they'd remember how much he hated parties on his birthday. Ace might not remember, because Ace was always happier surrounded by more and more people that loved him, but Marco just wanted some peace and quiet, and in this case, red velvet cake and heavily spiked milkshakes. So, for all that he loved having Thatch, Ace, and Namur constantly around, there was only one person Marco wanted to abduct and drag out for some time alone.

He planned it weeks in advance, staked out Espio's schedule, and without warning on the day of the fifth, Marco abducted everyone's favorite grumpy chameleon.

Because in pirate language, kidnapping was hello.

Now to make their escape before the others could find him.

"Shh, don't say anything or they'll hear us. It's a jailbreak, yoi. Just stick with me and we'll be free before you can say 'Oi what the hell, Marco?' eh?"

Clearly this plan was flawless.

Comments

[espio]

"Yeah, but Ace is hot," Espio argued, without thinking. "I'm a lizard."

It seemed like a fairly reasonable argument to him when he said it, though after he'd said it he tilted his head a little trying to figure out why it seemed even slightly reasonable. Surely a better argument would have been that Ace didn't argue with Grell for 75% of their daily interaction.

"What does he need me to keep an eye on him for? I'm not gonna be any help."

[fierybluebird]

"So use him as a heating lamp. You can't say he won't be helpful dealing with winter, right? And of course you'll be a help, you both have shared experiences," Marco rolled his eyes. He was about to point out that Grell chose bedmates on their cuteness, not hotness, but even Marco knew that was incorrect. Which begged an entirely different question.... "Even you think Ace is hot?!"

Everyone always did. Damn shirtless brat. Where did people think he got that from anyway?!

[espio]

"Uh..."

That was not the hesitant, awkward 'uh' of someone who slipped up and was trying to backtrack and pretend they never said it. That was the flat 'uh' of someone about to say 'well, duh.'

"In other news, the sky is blue. But just because he's hot doesn't mean I have any intention of lying underneath him."

[fierybluebird]

Marco kept his face deadpan only through years of infamous deadpan composure.

"I'm not sure he's into lizards anyway, even if dark messy-haired brats who are younger than they look is your thing," actually that was a lie. Marco was fairly certain Ace was about as pansexual as they came, but he didn't really want to think about it too much. Even if both Espio and Ace could comfort each other in more ways than one. "You're making too big a deal out of it. Think more like a pirate and less like a marine, eh?"

[espio]

Espio just covered a side of his face with his palm. He'd been joking about the 'heat lamp' thing, though to be fair the double meaning had been deliberate.

"Don't even think about it," he said. "I'm happy with the 'dark messy-haired brat' I already have, thanks. Even if he has gone away for a while."

Irritated, even though he was sure Marco wasn't being serious, he turned his face away and decided to focus on the milkshake. After a moment, purely to annoy Marco - a task that was generally fairly difficult - he added:

"Not that 'dark messy-haired brat' is necessarily something I'd look for. Toby's adorable, I love him and I don't want anyone else... but he has all the sex appeal of a brick."

[fierybluebird]

Marco flushed red at that and gave a cough. "That's not really something I try to think much about, yoi." And why did Espio find bricks hot? Must be a chameleon thing.

[espio]

...well, that reaction was unexpected. He kind of thought he'd at least get a kick. "I figured," Espio said, chewing on the end of the straw a little, watching Marco's face, wondering exactly what he was thinking. He didn't feel the urge to snicker at the flushing. "Though I kind of expected you to kick me for the insult."

[fierybluebird]

"It's an insult?" Marco tilted his head curiously. "I just thought you had a thing for bricks." It was either deadpan or genuine. Who could really say?

[espio]

Espio sighed, but lifted his head back up with genuine amusement on his face. "Nah, I'm more into turnips," he joked.

[fierybluebird]

"I knew it, yoi," Marco deadpanned right back, not missing a beat. "Silly chameleon, my son is not a turnip, he's a very adorable brick."

[espio]

"Cute but very unsexy brick," Espio stated, with a decisive nod, as though that was the end of it.

[fierybluebird]

"Good," Marco glanced away and ate some of his carrot cake. "Then he can stay a virgin forever."

Just let him have his delusions Espio. He borrowed Zoro's mind-wiping trick.

[espio]

Yeah, no. Espio practically snorted the damn milkshake to that and proceeded to nearly choke on it. "Uh, yeah, sure, you wish," he managed, between coughs.

[fierybluebird]

Marco arched an eyebrow and kicked Espio's chair enough to rock it without actually kicking it across the room or knocking it down.

"Watch it."

[espio]

Espio was a little shaken by his chair being kicked, but still he shook his head. He thought they'd covered this. "You're about, what, eight months too late for the death threats? Grell already gave me hell."

Seriously, Espio could understand not knowing through either him or his fiancé, even with Toby's hopeless tendency to not know what topics to avoid with who, but surely the punishment from Grell couldn't have gone so unnoticed.

1/2

[fierybluebird]

Marco stuck a finger in his ear and blatantly did his best to wipe his mind mentally again. "I remember, I choose to ignore it." Somehow it worked. It didn't fully, but it worked enough.....

Usually.

2/2

[fierybluebird]

"Besides, if he's so un-sexy then why--"

Nope. No good way to finish that.

"Never mind."

[espio]

"Just because he's not the most physically attractive person I've ever met? It doesn't mean I don't still love him," Espio answered, with an odd smile - pleasant and warm in a way that you wouldn't expect given his current state of mind. "I think you underestimate just how much."

He took another sip of milkshake.

"He is adorable, though."

[fierybluebird]

"Aye, he is," Marco quietly agreed.

It was difficult not to miss him. Even knowing it was for the best and that Toby needed to build up more walls mentally to people before he could handle being around so many, it didn't make it any easier to stop missing him.

[espio]

"It's probably better for him to be away from me right now, though," Espio said, then sighed. "I want him here... but I'm no use to anyone as I am. I'd make a pretty awful husband if I can't even look after myself."

[fierybluebird]

Marco irritably flicked Espio's forehead. "No one can look after themselves. Not really. Even Toby needs Pikachu. And look at me. I'm a mess without my family. And Thatch is one of the strongest, smartest people I know, but he falls to pieces quicker than a bamboo raft in riptides. Toby's greatest strength is usually that he gets back up. This time it's just taking him longer. That has nothing to do with you. If it weren't for you he wouldn't have gotten up as many times as he did."

[espio]

Espio shook his head. "I kinda meant the little dumb things. Like eating and drinking enough, getting outside, getting exercise... even just talking to friends is a pain in the ass."

[fierybluebird]

Marco frowned and explained softly, "I think now you understand how Tobias felt." It was rare for him to use the full name, but always relevant.

[espio]

"Huh?"

[fierybluebird]

A sigh.

"I guess I never thought of it as being depressed. In my case, when my shields up here," he tapped his temple, "Are down, that's how I get. All I want to do is sleep in a cave and let another few thousand years pass by without notice. Doing anything becomes a struggle because it all seems futile. Time goes like that," Marco snapped his fingers. "And I can't pause or slow it down or even process it all. It's overwhelming. Thatch helps me a great deal with it, he gives me the space enough to eat and drink and slowly get my swing back, but Toby couldn't find it. I told you, eh? It was never your fault. That is just how he and I are. It is like losing yourself. And the more there are other people and things to keep track of, the more overwhelming it can get, eh?"

Marco rubbed the back of his neck. "Especially if you start thinking of yourself as being one more thing others have to keep track of or deal with, or thinking of them that way. Like a house of cards, it collapses. I tried to tell Toby he wasn't weighing anyone down, but the more distressed he got, the more everyone else did, and so again, the more so he got. All I could do was try to be a shield, yoi."