concoursec | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Character(s): Equius Zahhak (

needatowel) & Nepeta Leijon (

moirailcompass)
Location: The training center
Rating: PG?
Open/Closed/Finished: Closed
Summary: It's the end of the line.

She had put it off for far too long. A part of her had been happy to do so, but it's not like she could do it forever. It would be unfair to both Vriska and Equius, and Vriska had shown surprising understanding and patience with her through all this.

It was a strange and uncomfortable feeling to realize that where once she had felt so powerfully for Equius she could no longer conjure those feelings. She certainly still loved him, and held him dear, but no longer did she get that feeling of being understood, protected, or even understanding him. Most of all, she lacked that sense of completion which had once been ever prevalent, even by just knowing he was out there somewhere. Who knew how much he had change in he half sweep away. It mad her sad to think about, and she wonder if maybe one day they would happen to her and Vriska too. It seemed that none of them had had much luck in the realm of moirallegiance. Feferi and Eridan had broken up, Kanaya and Vriska had broken up, and Gamzee and Karkat seemed to have come together simply out of necessity rather than genuine pale feelings.

She supposed none of that really mattered in relation to her, but it did make her wonder if their efforts in this quadrant, or any for that matter, were worthwhile. She gave a small shake of her head. No, she wouldn't let herself think that way. She was happy with Vriska, she had been happy with Equius. She did not regret her time with him in the slightest, and she hoped that in due time he would find someone else. Before he could do that, however, she needed to break things off with him.

She had contacted him over the network and asked him to meet up with her at the entrance to the training center. She thought it better that they talked there in case his temper got the better of him. Not to mention it was much more private than any place they could find within the school itself.

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Equius, alas, still felt as pale towards her as he had the day they had parted. He'd had nobody to take her place, and the need for a moirail was, in any event, far greater in his case. Nepeta could get along fine with no partner, but him...well, for the past half-sweep he'd had to make do with maiming dinosaurs to work off his fits of rage. There had been a lot of dead dinosaurs.

He, of course, came to meet her as soon as she called for him. To be honest, it was with no small amount of trepidation that he came; Nepeta hadn't been quite the same since their reunion. He couldn't even define quite what it was, but it was undeniable. And whatever had changed, he feared it.

So of course, when he arrived at the training centre's entrance, he was already sweating royal blue buckets. He nodded to her as he approached.

Prompt as always and sweating. The latter was a little unexpected, but then maybe he suspected something of what was to come? A part of her hoped so, it might make the blow a little easier. She pushed off the wall she had been leaning against and gave him a small smile, albeit forced and pull a handkerchief out of her coat pocket, holding it out to him. She knew that thing would probably do nothing to help him, but she thought it only polite.

"Thanks fur coming, Equius. Lets go inside, yea? There are some really purrty places in here."

Pretty and isolated.

"Yes," he said, opening the door for her. "I'm quite familiar with the training center. I...spent a lot of time here."

She entered, pushing her hands in her pockets. It had been a while since she had been in here. There was a period of time she had come in here to hunt herself, but that had worn off quickly when she realized she was wasting life. Unlike her situation back on Alternia, she meals did not depend on her hunting other creatures. She mulled over his words. She doubted it had been to train, since Equius had always been one loathe to hurt majestic creatures. The idea of him keeping to this place all by himself was an unpleasant one.

She didn't say anything right away, simply lead them further into the training center toward the lone tower in it. Best to go there. It was almost always empty, and it would keep them from having to worry about any creatures that might stumble upon them. Not that Nepeta thought they would have any trouble dealing with anything in this place, but she'd rather not be interrupted.

"Guess you must have known about this place then, huh? I don't think many do, it's almost always empty."

Nope, it was because it was that or go on a rampage. He regretted the necessity.

"Yes, I have found it before. It is isolated and...quiet."

She nodded, climbing the stairs to the top of the tower and once more trying to figure out how to break it to him. Vriska and Grell had both been right, there wasn't an easy way to do this. Feelings wouldn't be hurt and that was just a consequence she would have to deal with. When they got to the top she drifted out to the balcony--really, that's more or less all there was, and stared out at the canopy below them.

She leaned against the wall for a bit, before taking a deep breath and looking at him.

"I brought you here because there's something real important that I need to talk to you about. I really should have said something sooner but..." She trailed off and just shook her head.

Equius took up a position beside her, his fivers diving anxious furrows in the railing. Here it came, the words he'd been dreading. He bit his lower lip until he bled, and then finally answered:

"And that important thing is?"

She took a deep breath and began. When she spoke it was slowly and clearly so that she could think of each word, and so that he may hear her without trouble.

"You know how long it has been since I came here, and in that time a lot has happened." She paused and shook her head. "Even before coming here a lot had happened. I don't know when Time Compression took you the first time, but if it has already happened for you then I'm sure you will know what I mean." After all, it's not as if Equius had much in his future. Or had, perhaps now this second chance of him will give him many, many more sweeps of life. She certainly hopes so.

"I guess you can say that a lot of these...events have changed how I think about things a lot. I don't think I'm the same person, though at times I really wish I were, but I can't go back to the same way I was living before, or thinking." Be is about her goaless, lackadaisical life, how much she had denied the truth of the words Equius had always said to her about troll society and the hemospectrum, or how she had regarded not only Equius, but so many of the people she had considered her friends, too much had changed for her to be able to go back to the way things use to be.

Again she was quiet for a couple second. Already she felt she had gone about this the wrong way. She wasn't entirely certain what she was trying to get at, or if that had been the right way to start things off but she rolled with it.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, is that along with all that my feelings for a lot of people have changed--including you. Equius you. You're still someone I love, but I don't think I can honestly say it's in the romantic sense, anymore."

Equius felt like the floor had fallen out from under him. He'd suspected this, braced himself for it, but still...nothing could have prepared him for this. For her to say that she didn't like him that way anymore. To simply speak a few words and put an end to their relationship, to their years together. His own pale love for her still burned, but it seemed that hers had flickered out.

"I-I see," he said, coughing a little to hide the tremor in his voice. "Then, you're...breakin up with me?"

Her face colored a little, and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

She just gave a single nod. "I am."

He was silent for a while, just staring off into the distance. This was it. It was over. The defining relationship of his life to date, over. An awful, twisted feeling sank into his gut.

Finally, he did speaking, saying: "I suppose it's not entirely unexpected...We were separated so long, and--"

His voice broke, and he stopped momentarily.

"Pardon me, I believe there's something in my eye..." he turned away from her, ashamed of his own inability to control himself.

Edited 2012-07-08 23:42 (UTC)

Oh no. She felt a pain in her bloodpusher when his voice broke, and though he would not allow her to see it didn't take a genius to figure out that he must be crying. She felt her own eyes become filmy but she blinked them away and tried to steel herself. What place did she have to cry? She was the one breaking up with him. She hadn't told him everything yet either. Nepeta had not planned on telling him about Vriska, but after Grell pointed out that it could end up on the gossip column she thought it was best to say. No one knew how Ms Tattler got her information and she had always seemed o get ahold of things Nepeta had thought were very secretive. Of course most of the time Tattler did fib and exaggerate things, but Nepeta would rather not take the risk of Equius finding out from anyone other than herself.

Yet how to bring it up? He was already so hurt. Telling him about Vriska would just add salt to the wound. Should she not and risk him finding out elsewhere?

"I. I really hope these don't sound like hollow words--because they aren't! Really! But while my feelings aren't they same as they use to be, I hope we can still be friends. You're still important to me, Equius. I mean it."

Equius took deep, shuddering breaths to try and get himself back under control. No. He would not fall apart in front of Nepeta. He would not let his own weakness get the better of him. That was, to him, always and completely unacceptable. Any loss of control at all, but especially where she was concerned. He would ge through this, and get past this, without falling to pieces.

"I understand," he said, turning back around. "I shall respect your feelings. Trying to force a moirailship when one of the partners is unwilling wouldn't work, after all."

And he couldn't just command her to feel a certain way. He'd tried before.

He really was taking things remarkably well. Much better than she had anticipated, and for that Nepeta was grateful. It made her feel a little less guilty, but not entirely.

"Thank you, Equius. It really means a lot to me." She wasn't sure what else she could do, and she still hadn't told him about Vriska. She was still debating whether she should, but in the end the prospect of him finding out from anyone other than her drove her to be fully honest.

"There is something else I think you should know."

Actually, he wasn't taking things well at all. His insides were a screaming caldera of rage and pain. But he had a lot of experience keeping his emotions inside, and he was using it to its fullest extent now.

"I doubt whatever it is can be as bad as what you just told me," he said. "Go ahead."

If only it weren't. She knew that this particularly revelation would not only hurt him, but likely wound his pride as well.

"There has come to be someone else. Eventually, once my feelings had changed, there was someone I came to feel pale for." She wanted to make certain that he at least knew that she hadn't stopped caring for him simply because of Vriska. While she was now moirails with Vriska, it wasn't because Equius had failed her or anything of the like.

"Vriska and I. It's. It's why I didn't really want to move out of her room."

You could practically hear the scream of gears forcibly coming to a halt in Equius' mind. Vriska. Vriska and Nepeta. No. This couldn't be right. This had to be some kind of sick joke. A million visions of childhood fears of Vriska trying to steal Nepeta from him, like she'd tried to steal everything when they were small. And now it had finally come to pass.

"Vriska?" he demanded, teeth gritting so hard that cracks formed in the longer ones.

Nepeta winced and she held up her hands to try and pacify him--old habits died hard.

"Equius purrease be careful. Your teeth..." Nepeta couldn't see that he had already begun to hurt himself, but she knew it was something that happened often with him.

"Yes. Vriska." She almost added more, tried to explain, but she wasn't sure if saying why she felt this way towards Vriska would help or exacerbate the situation. Honestly, she leaned towards the latter.

"No, you can't be her moirail," Equius said, his voice having a rare edge to it, almost...panicky. "I order you to not be her moirail."

It was hard to see him liking this, and she tried to keep her head up so that she may look him straight in the face but guilt caused her gaze to turn downward.

"Equius. I'm not going to just deny these feelings."

"But, I, you, she...you can't, not her!" His voice sounded almost desperate. The image in his mind, of Nepeta and Vriska lying in a huge pile of things, having a feelings jam, leaving him out in the cold forever, wouldn't vanish from his mind, even as it was tinted by red veins of stark anger. No wonder Vriska had been so affable about his presence. She'd been laughing at him behind his back. Foolish Equius, the unwitting pale cuckold!

His desperate pleadings turned to enraged growls, and his teeth began to grind, grind grind, his hands closing into fists.

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